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Chapter 19
What emotions do humans feel when faced with death?
Platoon Leader Garback gave the cruel order to Senior Gray without hesitation.
Stay here and die.
“Understood, Platoon Leader.”
My senior replied nonchalantly to the Platoon Leader.
I’ll never forget the look on Senior Gray’s face at that moment.
…He was crying.
Senior Gray looked straight ahead and saluted Platoon Leader Garback, laughing and crying at the same time.
“Okay. Touri, Rodri, follow me.”
“Eh, ah…!”
“The enemy won’t miss the moment we retreat. We’ll leave when the nearby bases are engaged in fighting. Run at my command.”
Platoon Leader Garback beckoned us to the back wall of the trench.
He doesn’t even glance at Senior Gray, whom he had just ordered to die.
“Hmm… go on, Touri.”
“Senior…”
…I stared in disbelief at Senior Gray who had been given that cruel order.
He sat cross-legged, quietly holding the gun with its muzzle fixed in front of him.
Perhaps at that moment, I was also crying.
“Oh, that’s right, Platoon Leader. I have an unfinished letter written to my family in my belongings.”
“I see.”
“I’m sorry to trouble you, but could you attach it along with my death notice?”
“I got it.”
Although Senior Gray was shedding tears, he never let it show in his demeanor.
“And lastly. Thank you for everything, Platoon Leader.”
“Yeah.”
He behaved as casually as ever.
I’m sure he was doing that on purpose to avoid upsetting us rookies.
“…Hey, Platoon Leader Garback.”
“What is it, Rodri?”
“I still have some energy left.”
After staring at Senior Gray for a while, Rodri spoke up.
“Is it okay if I carry Senior Gray on my back as my personal shield?”
“Absolutely not.”
“…Why not?”
“Because it would increase your chances of dying.”
Rodri’s suggestion was quite surprising.
His proposal was clearly aimed at helping Senior Gray.
He doesn’t have much stamina, yet he tries to act tough by offering to carry Senior Gray on his back.
“That’s not the case, though..”
“Rejected.”
“…”
Having his proposal firmly rejected, Rodri glared at the Platoon Leader with a dissatisfied expression.
From his face, I could almost see the frustration seeping through.
“What good would it do to help Gray? This guy’s lost his leg and can no longer fight.”
“…”
…I didn’t participate much in digging trenches, so I don’t know, but maybe Rodri was on good terms with Senior Gray.
He probably felt a strong desire to help him, even if it meant pushing himself.
“Forget about me, Rodri. Let it go; you’ll just get a beating when you return.”
“But…”
In the end, Rodri was scolded by Senior Gray himself and just turned away.
Maybe he was crying too.
“Oh, that’s right, Rodri. I’ll give you one last piece of advice.”
“…What is it?”
“You’d better stop those foul-mouthed comments you’ve been giving everyone.”
While Platoon Leader Garback quietly waited for an opportunity to escape, Senior Gray spoke to Rodri.
It was the same warm and gentle expression he always had.
“You’re a lot like me, Rodri. We probably think the same way.”
“…”
“You know, I heard you got along well with the guys from your previous unit. I asked one of the survivors.”
Hearing what Senior Gray had to say, Rodri’s face changed color.
So there was a unit that could get along well with Rodri.
Maybe in his previous unit, he hadn’t been throwing around insults.
“It’s hard, isn’t it? When the people you were close to get killed.”
“Of course…”
“You hate your enemy so much that you want to kill them, right?”
“Of course!!!”
…The survivors of a decimated unit would be redistributed to fill vacancies in various platoons.
The fact that Rodri had moved to Garback Platoon likely meant that his previous unit…
“Isn’t that why you’re always throwing around insults and picking fights with everyone?”
“That’s—”
After saying that, Senior Gray added:
“If you’re going to die anyway, you figured it would be easier not to get close to anyone, right?”
He began to gently stroke Rodri’s head, who was also shedding tears.
“But you can’t live that way. You’re too kind.”
“…”
“You’ve been paying attention to your comrades since you were assigned here. You’re terrified of losing another comrade. That’s enough; it’s not your job to worry about it.”
Rodri listened to Senior Gray’s words while biting his lip.
“Could it be that Rodri…”
“You should be grateful to him, Touri. This guy kept spewing abuse at you, but he kept protecting you. It’s too sad for someone like that to try and fight alone.”
Hearing this made me realize many things. Rodri said it was a coincidence, but he had saved me from danger twice already.
And it had always been at the most perfect timing.
“That’s not true…”
“Then why did you suggest carrying me and running away?”
Rodri is just like me.
He acted cold to avoid getting too emotionally attached to his comrades while still unable to not care about them.
Just as I had instinctively tried to carry Senior Gray, I’m sure he had instinctively stepped in to help me.
Deep down, he probably wanted to be hated by everyone and be alone.
“That’s not true… I…”
“Be more honest and don’t retreat into your shell. Mourn the deaths of your comrades, but have the strength to move forward. If your mental health deteriorates any further, it will lead directly to your death.”
Right as Senior Gray finished speaking:
“Now! Charge out! Run with all your might!!!”
Platoon Leader Garback’s roared his command.
***
In a hurry, I crawled out of the trench with Rodri.
We then entered the shield formed by the Platoon Leader and ran off.
“Senior Gray! I—”
“If you have time to talk, move your feet, you idiot!”
I’m the slowest among us.
I frantically moved my legs and ran towards the safety of the trench in front as quickly as possible.
“I… don’t want to have to be protected by someone else anymore!!”
Before he could finish those words,
Deafening gunfire rang out from the trench that Senior Gray was in.
The enemy must have seen that we had escaped and began chasing us.
“Woooooooo!!!”
A battle cry echoes from behind.
It was the rough yet warm and kind voice of Senior Gray.
“Ohhh… ohhhh, oooooooh!!”
But that voice began to falter within seconds.
“…O… Oh…”
Eventually, it was cut off along with the sound of an explosion.
I was running while watching the back of the Platoon Leader, choking back sobs.
The voice he was making was weak. It was the anguished cry of a fatally wounded soldier with blood entering his lungs.
Even if I were to rush over to Senior Gray right now and heal him with full magical power, it would be impossible to save him.
Senior Gray bought us time as ordered by the Platoon Leader.
In order to protect our lives, he fought desperately for the ones who abandoned him and fled.
The time he sacrificed his life to buy us was only a few seconds.
“Just a bit more…”
But in those few seconds, we managed to advance significantly.
After that, we successfully jumped into the safe trench at the rear.
Somewhere in the distance, a painful death cry could be heard.
“M… Ma…”
The final, faint death cry of Senior Gray…
It was a voice calling for his mother.
***
“Platoon Leader, did you use Private Gray as a sacrificial pawn?!”
After we successfully retreated to the safe trench, Rodri and I sat in silence for about an hour.
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you end the battle by securing this line? There was no way we could have broken through with our remaining forces!”
“Yes, we could have. If only there were 10 more of me.”
Senior Murrue, who had been shot as he jumped out of the trench, was already dead.
This brings today’s death toll to three.
“If only you had refrained from advancing!!”
On the other hand, Corporal Verdi, whom I had treated, appeared to be safe.
When he woke up and grasped the current situation, he was furious with Platoon Leader Garback.
“It was clearly a reckless advance. I doubt your qualifications as a commander.”
“Really now?”
“I will report this incident. A frontline commander shouldn’t just charge ahead recklessly!”
“Do whatever you want.”
Corporal Verdi harshly reprimanded his superior, Sergeant Garback.
I listened in silence to the exchange between Corporal Verdi and Platoon Leader Garback.
My emotions were numb and I couldn’t feel anything about their argument.
“I’m sorry, if only I hadn’t been hit and lost consciousness… Private Rodri, Medic Touri, are you both uninjured?”
“Yeah…”
Eventually, Corporal Verdi turned his back on the Platoon Leader and came toward us to apologize.
He looked genuinely apologetic.
“I’d like to hear more about the situation from you two.”
“Understood…”
“What was the damage situation and remaining ammunition at the time the Platoon Leader gave the order to advance? And what were the last words of Private First Class Gray? If you don’t mind, could you please tell me?”
“…”
“I intend to report that to the higher-ups as well.”
When questioned by a superior, you must give accurate and truthful reports.
However, I did not have the energy to answer the Corporal’s question in detail.
At that time, I was like a shell of myself.
“…He was cool.”
It was Rodri who answered Corporal Verdi’s question.
“Eh? What was that?”
“Senior Gray was cool. That’s all.”
Rodri spoke in a strained voice, his fists clenched with blood dripping from his lips.
It was the only time I’d seen him cry that intensely.
“He didn’t run away like I did. He knew that if you get close to someone, you’ll end up getting hurt, but he didn’t run away and supported someone like me until the very end.”
“…Private Rodri?”
“That person died with a full understanding of the situation. He said ‘Thank you’ to Platoon Leader Garback and passed away with a smile.”
After saying this, Rodri suddenly grabbed Corporal Verdi by the collar.
Corporal Verdi was shocked by this outrageous act.
“Corporal, please don’t make any reports that would tarnish Senior Gray’s honor! Don’t make any reports that say he was forced to stay behind by Platoon Leader Garback, or that he died unwillingly! That would be an insult to his resolve!”
“P-Please calm down, Private Rodri.”
“I, at the very least, want to protect that person’s honor. I absolutely must protect it!”
“What do you mean? What was the situation?”
“That man readily accepted the orders of Platoon Leader Garback and fought without care for his life to cover my and Touri’s retreat.”
Even though Rodri had acted in defiance of his superior officer, Corporal Verdi showed no sign of scolding him.
Because he…
“He was too cool…”
While crying, he grabbed onto the Corporal without even trying to hide the tears that were streaming down his face.
“I feel the same way, Rodri.”
And what Senior Gray said really struck me.
────Mourn the death of your comrades, but find the strength to move forward.
That was surely something important thing I was lacking as well.
Out of fear of the death of comrades, I closed my heart. Many rookie soldiers must have felt the same way.
However, there is no way the unit could coordinate together in such a state.
Fighting alongside those who couldn’t be trusted enough to back them up meant there was no way to win.
“And that is why we must mourn Senior Gray’s death and move forward.”
Once I finished saying that,
I grabbed Rodri’s arm and pulled him away from the Corporal.
“So please stay calm, Rodri. The Corporal isn’t your enemy…”
“…Tch.”
“Corporal Verdi, I apologize for the trouble. He is surely just a bit tired.”
“…”
“To be honest, I’m quite exhausted as well. Could you perhaps wait a little for the report?”
“Y-Yeah. That’s fine.”
If Rodri continues causing a commotion, he’ll probably get punished by the Platoon Leader again.
I didn’t want to let something like that happen to my dear benefactor, so I stepped in to mediate between Rodri and Corporal Verdi.
“Also, Rodri.”
“Yeah, I got it already…”
And then, I took his hand.
“Thank you for saving me from a dangerous situation today. You were really cool.”
“…!”
I didn’t hide anything. I just expressed my gratitude honestly, from the bottom of my heart.
Manga version of Gray’s death. They popped off with this one.
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3 responses to “Chapter 19”
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they did this scene so much justice in the manga (full chapter, not only the images that the translator added at the end)
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Thanks for the chapter!! 🥲
I caught up, Ive started reading from the manga and found the link of the novel.
Verdi kinda reminds me of Upham, tbh I dont want him dead. There’s too much death already 🥲
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Ozy Translations 
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